Setting & Respecting Boundaries During Social Distancing

The current government mandate of social distancing is also a social experiment. It is requiring people to not be physically near each other if possible and to keep socializing at a minimum and at a distance. Judging by all of our experiences in the grocery stores and photos of beaches on social media, it appears this is bit of a challenge for humans. We are innately drawn to each other and we naturally want to socialization feel human connection. What I find most interesting is there are two sides to this social distancing challenge; one being the battle to actually maintain distance, the other being the ability to express boundaries when distance is not being maintained. I’ve noticed some people cannot help it and slowly keep inching toward you as they are talking (the natural need to connect with others). I’ve also noticed people inching away from the person approaching them as to keep the distance and themselves safe. This is a tricky dance because there are many feelings that creep up from the different ways people are interacting with each other. I personally have felt anxiety, resentment, anger, relief, anticipation, and guilt, all cycling within me at once. What I have come to observe is that each person who decides to leave the house for whatever reason, has to choose how they conduct themselves in public. We all must find the safest place possible within us and try to communicate those boundaries to others respectfully. If we are on the other end of the spectrum, we must welcome others to express their boundary needs so we may respect them.

Everyone sits on a different level of paranoia with this virus. Some people aren’t too worried about it for themselves and/or others and therefore may not realize they are passing very closely to someone in an aisle. Some people may be in a high-risk category and are very worried for their health or that of others so they stand really far apart and feel anxiety the whole time. The “un-worried” people may feel judged and like they are walking on eggshells when they go out. The worried or vulnerable people may feel stressed out about other people’s lack of care. As humans, we will always disagree or have different perspectives in life. These disagreements can be treated in various ways and it is up to us to decide how to work through this new world.

Many of us do and say crazy or weird things when we are uncomfortable or disagree. I, for example, felt a woman was way too close to me in the Safeway the other day so I took an empty, hand-held shopping basket and put it on the floor behind me in line and lightly kicked it towards her feet to force her to not walk closer. She was on the phone and didn’t seem to care about physical space and this angered me because I felt uncomfortable. I immediately felt bad once I got to my car. My reaction was a bit juvenile and passive aggressive. I easily could have nicely interrupted her and asked her to please give me some space, but I chose the silent cycle of emotions route instead. My point in all of this is we are all allowed our own personal opinions and journeys through this time. However, it is extremely important we maintain a level of respect for one another. This is a very sensitive time for a lot of us. If we are feeling uncomfortable with the social distancing around us, we have other options than allowing negative emotions and actions to consume us. We can remove ourselves or we can kindly make requests of others to give us more space. On the other end, if you are a person who is not feeling uncomfortable in public, it would be easier to respect giving people space if they communicated nicely and did not push baskets at your feet.

When humans are experiencing incredibly challenging situations, they have the biggest opportunity to grow and be a better person. Life is full of tests. We are all on our own journey through this time, but let’s allow each other to feel through it respectfully and give each other not only some physical space, but emotional space. Life is a bit of a roller coaster right now, and having metaphorical and physical safe spaces to be thrown around in is very comforting. That is what will bond us as a community and a nation right now. Let’s give each other the space to feel and socialize safely and let’s do it nicely.